


REAL BEAUTY

by MarrissaTheWriter (Doombly)



Category: American Beauty (1999), The Lorax (2012)
Genre: F/M, Gen, trollfic
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2013-05-23
Updated: 2014-05-29
Packaged: 2017-12-12 17:02:58
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 3
Words: 4,188
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/813923
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Doombly/pseuds/MarrissaTheWriter
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Jane Burhamn an the Onseler are both livin in sadsack advents but when tehy meet will ture love make a more happy endin for both? THE MOST EPIKAL AN ROMANTAC CROSSOVER EVER WRITED!!4</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. KAI LAI ONSELERS TRUE FATHER REVEALED!!!

THIS IS A RERITE OF THE CHAPTA SINS IT WASANT UP TO MY STUNDURDS. I WAS RELOOKIN AT ITS MY LIFE AN MY SPELLIN WAS BETTR BECUSE IT WAS MY FIRST BIG STORY AN I WAS TRYIN A MAKE A GOOD IMPRESSION! BUT I DIDANT TRY AS HAR THE LAST F3EW TIMES SINS THE FAME WENT TO MY HED AN I GOT LASSY SO IM MAKIN THIS CHAP BETTER AN CHAPTRE 2 IS COMIN SOON!!$1

HEY GUYZ, ITS BEEN A WILE BUT I RESENTLY SEED A MOVIE CALL AMERKIAN BEEUTY ITS RELAY SAID SPESSAL FOR JANE THE BOOB DOTTER. SEH GITS HER SPOILER ALTER!!!!12891123908 DAD KILLD AN IS BOYFRENDS WITH A DRUGGY JERK AN THE BOYFRENDS DAD WAS THE KILLA!!3

I THOUT JANE NEEDED A HAPPIER ENDIN THAN THATS AN I WAS THINKIN THAT A OTHER CHAR HAD ONLEE A SADSACK ADVENT FOR LIFE AN NEEDED A MORE BETTER ENDIN… THE ONSELER!!23 I THOTTED, HMM MAYPE ONCE LER WOOD BE HAPPY AN NOT DISTROT THE FORESTS IF EH WAS IN OLVE AN THEN JANE WOOD HAVE A MORE BETTER BIF!!13 SO HEERS THERE STORY.

AN: THIS SOTRY ILL BE MORE SHORTER THAN MY OTTERS BECUSE ITS JUST A CHARACTOR PEACE SO NO BIG DRAMAKSHUN. THISB IS THE PROLOG TO XPLAIN THE STORY SETTIN AN CONTINITY

 

# REAL BEAUTY: CHAPTER ONE(CE LER LOL): KAI LAI ONCE LERS TURE FATHER REVEALED!!

 

ONCE (LOL) upon a tim there was an guy named Onseler, he had a strongful constitution of mch tall an dreemed of makin it big. Eh had try a do this by his invenshun: the theend. But noone licked it spesally not his frend the Loraks, who didant like how u had to the trees to creation it. So rite now he an Lrakx an there aminal frends was livin in the forest outsid of a town he was being in rite now for shoppin.

            "Ill buy a too-pack" Onceler said at the casheer he had a big bumpy bag oaf books he was buyin. "THats good u get a discownt." She said an gaved him change so Onseler said "buy" an leaved. He was sad becuse that girl was a a MAJOR HOTTIE bu she was datin someone all ready. "Man I wish I had a GF to love an sex with!!!"

            He got back to the forst were his tent was an came. "Looooocy Im home!!@" Oncelor said lollin but Loraks was mot ammused he herd that one all ready. Then Onseler dumpled the baggy bag onto the floor an lots of mangos an amines went out. He botted a bout a ton of mangos sum were romanse an ackshun an also some girly ones (but he didant let Lorax see those). "Did u get mine Bean-Pool?" Lorasked.

            "Yeah I got yur creepy ones." An he gave Loraks some pornogfric mangos that Lorax liked he wood read them at nite wile touchin his mustache. "Why do u like mangos any way u no so much bout them?" All the aminals look at Onceler with Lorax hopin for a story.

            "Thats a easy q" Onceler sade "I am haf Japanish!1@" All the animals an his horse an Lorax all o-mouthed at that reveel. "But yur family is all dunderhead rednecks!?!#?" Lorax gaped with disbleef. "Those are my mothers sid my dad is was a Japanish ninjer name... KAI LAI!!#"

ONSELERS POV

            My afther was born in the yeer 19001 to his parunts Matt Yazama an Sui Hai who were also my granparunts. Form an early age he had powers of strenth and was soon choosed by the Empower to be a ninjer an samurye to fite in the World War 2. Kai Lai (HIS name) had lots of moves an fited at Perl Harber. His best move was callt "Carnation" its were heed sneek up on a enemy then punch thru the spine soooo hard his fist came out the tummy. Then he taked the intentines out thru the back hole an uses them like a bungee jumprope to go down a other story of the buildin to knife a other guys neck then pull on the intestims to make the first guy fall of the buildin so he dies to.

            At the Perl Harbor fite was also were Kai Lai meeted my moms. She was a Norse workin at the Haber to fix up solders but she didant have a mediun (LOL TF2!3), wile Kai Lai wuz on a misshun to assinate the boss of Perl Harber but he was thinkin this wasant rite. It was befour the plans got there so noone was suspishus of him because he had stelth. Kai Lai got reddy to inside the boss room was Generul Hurt the strognest ever so Kai Lai wood have to use Carnation on him.

            There was a bunch of otter people in the room so Kai Lai yelled "NO WITNESSESS" an got reddy to shot at them all with his sniper mashinegun but a hot gurl stopped him. "WHAT IN TARNASHUN ARE U DOIN?!#!3???" She rednecked with yells at him. Kai Lai coodant shoot her an droped his gun so all the scared pepole stopped bein scarred but Genral Hurt wetted himself anyway. Then he got mad those was his favrat pants so he pulled out a mashete an said

            "So yur sum kind of smarye or somthin well Im the boss of Perl Harber you cannot end mee3eeee!!!!" And went charge at him. Kai Lai unleadened his pants and did a matrix jump up freezed time with his ninjer magic. "PROGRESSIVE GRENADE@!#" He yelled an threw lots of progressiev grenaids in Genral Hurts mouth an nose then pullt the triggers so time speeded back up to normal an he graped the gurl an they ranned with the fastest speeds.

            Kai Lai and Nurse double jumped a winnow to land outside but the plains was there. "WE ARE BOOMIN THIS PLASE WITH BOMS!14" Sayd the pilots an they droped boms onto the buildins an people. If Kai Lai didant do somethin quick he an Nurse wood be kill! "You better have plan dood or we will die." Southerned the Nurse Lady Nurse.

            The boms had alreddy boomed up the boat an a guy with no cloths an tooth brush so his brush floo into the sky an landed in a other guys face grotatin his vanes to hemorrage. "Ill have only choose. I must kill the planes!!13" Kai Lai clime jumped up a bildin like Genral Zod does in the new Superman an got to the top were the planes were an jumped.

            Nurse was in shocked as Kai Lai went to the plane an wood maybe die. But instead of dyin he fisted the plane with punch!1 The plan explodedsoined sendin pieces of metal all ever were an Kai Lai made them to throwin stars that eh shotted at the other pilots makin em crash to. He floated down becos like a cat ninjos always land on there feet so he was okay. "Lets ride!" He eld his hand to Nurse an they gotted a motorcycl (AN: It was not steelin sins the guy who owned was dead from the fite).

            They drove 5 mies from Perl Harber then stoped to get gaz. Wile Nurse was fillin up the tank Kai Lai thotted bout how he was a trator and cold never be Japan again. Nurse finished the tank fillin and came. She wasant happy with him killin her boss but he had a sadful look an said "Nurse I dont want to fite any more. But what I did was rong an I must revenge myself." He taked his samrye sord an got reddy to sewiside but she stopped him an said "Kai Lai I belief you are a good person insid u just have to find yurself okay"

            "But I dont no how can u help?" They looked in eachothers eyes with lovey an... Nine mouths later they was merried! Years happened an they had lotsa kids but one day General Hurt came back for revenge. I was only five yeers old when it happened; we has at home watchin Meerkat Maner when the door exploded an Genral Hurt came at us.

            "ERRRUGUGUGUG KAI LAI I HAE COME TO REVENGE!!#1!~" He was mussely with burns an glowly red skin an exploshuns for eyes. "No I killd you!?" Kai Lai said gettin up for a fite. "Oncelers Mom protec the kiddies I must fite him" But befour she cood Genral Hurt taked me an put a knife to my head. "I will kill yur son then I will kill u!!!!!" Kai Lai had to act fast so he used a seekrit attack only the most powerful samryes had: the SHADOW PUNCH JEW-JITSOO.

            The SHADOW PUNCH JEW-JISTOO makes it so yur shadow swatches places with u from powerful magic so you sneek up on the guy an punch him in the man balls so he drops me but the knife got Kai Lai an posioned him with posion an racial hatred. I saw my dad fall over in agoney an somthin snaped an I activaed my Japanish side an leept up (sins I was only five an Genral Hurt was relay tall) an chokeslammed him to the grownd an his neck exploded.

            "U did good son... Im prowd of u..." Kai Lai said with his last words. My mom turned to depresshun an did drugs an beer an my bros were jelos of my gettin the kill so they meaned at me all the time.

REGLAR POV

            "An that is the story of KAI LAI my reel father!!##" Onceler got quite, rembering his dad an the sad day he dieded. "Wow thats a sad story beenpoole Im sorry a bout yur dad." Lorax thot if only Onceler had sumon to love him maybe hed stop tryin to molestrape the land for thends. Little did neether of them no, a anser was on its way...

       

## TO BE CONTINUED!!!

So wat u think? Lick I said this story wont be like my uthers, itll be more drama an shorter. 


	2. MEET PLANE JANE

I was on Vacay in Conneticalina so its been a wile but its time for the first REAL (hehe) chapter of Real Beauty!#

# REAL BEAUTY CHAPTER 2: MEET PLAIN JANE (lol)

            Hi my names Jane Burnham an I a gurl livin with my parunts in the sburbs. My bofyrend is name Ricky Fitz but his dead is HUIGE JERK an he killed my dad to death an he used forensiks to escape justace. My mom is a dum bein just a desparat hosewife (LOL THATS A TV SHOW INSPIED BY AMRICAN BEATY) Ricky gotted all cray cray (evven more than befour he was pretty messed up) an did sooooo much drugs an beer I coldant take it anymore. I have blak hare an big boobiles an glasses sometimes an goth clothes BUT IM NOT A GOTH EMO I DONT CUT MYSEF OR LISTAN TO MCR OR AVRIL LAVINE OR NOTHIN LIKE THAT!4124111!!!

            I desided that there was to much bad so I wood have to run away four ever. I leaved a note for my mom an Rikey that said "Deer Mom an Riky I am runnin away four ever u will never see me agane an Im not going to the forst". I said that becuse goin to the forest is a dum idea so they wood think I was lyin but I relay was goin to a town near the forest were the trees was pink an yeller an blu.

            The trees forest was bout 150000 miles from Westeros Lane (ITS ANO DESPRATE HOWIFES REF!4) so I had to a bus to get there to Truffalo Town (name after the pretty trees). At the bus staton I put a thum out for hitch hike but no busses happened spect for a party bus fulla SKINHEDS HATAS AN MOTHS DOIN BONGS OF DRUGS AN PLAYIN MKR REELAY LOUD.

            "hEY wanna rid?" Drugged the driver as he did pot from a bongo. "I am soooo hi an drunk he said" this was sad becuse it reminded me of RIkcy an how he was a super BIG DUM B****** so I front kicked the bus tire but the bus gas was replased with drugs an beer for a super gas so it was relay volatile an the bus exploted. I lolled at all those hatas gettin bruned up by there own druggy ways but saw the bus was still dirvable so I cold drive it. I got in an did a drive to start headin for the forest.

            About sereal hours later I fell asleep from all the long drivin but the bus was goin out of contorl an crushed a tree an a other tree an crushed into the dich. I wakened up from the crash an saw I was rite outside the town but the bus was almost explode from the drugs beer an fire so I ranned out to the town relay fast with speed.

ONCERLS POV

            I was back at the time to get more mangos an animes becuse Loraks gotted mine mixed up with his porny ones an they were all ruined. But befour I cold get to the store I saw... A GIRL RUNNIN THRU THE CITY STREETS! A girl cant be jigglin thru town lick that she cold get molestraped by trolls or the birds (AN: I herd that birds do relay crazy stuff sometimes like sex with dead ones so this cold happen TO YU!$1!!) so I ranned up to her but she was soooo upset she didant see me an we did a crash to the floor.

            "OMG Im sooo sorry I didant see were you were moving" She said bushin an I thot bout how pretty she looked an bushed to. "Its all good my name is ther Onseler." I worded holdin out my hand so we got up. "Im Jane but Im not plane LOL" an we both lolled an her funny joke.

            "So howo are long are u stayin here?" I asked with nervos thinkin maybe shed get away. "I dunno I ranned away from my old life so Im a free bird." This was my chanse so I asked "Wnna come over to my plase u can sleep in the Loraxs bed?"

            "Ok" She said an we headed out, I was soooo happy I cold barely contain my smile an I was blushin all over but I had to keep it cool an on the down lo. "What are thos?" She asked pointin a tree.

            "Those are Trofolla Trees Im gonna use them to make the theeends they are the best inventon even better than Edison." I was puttin out all the stops to impress her.

JANE POV

            This Oncesdude was pretty cute an he was even lettin me stay at the Loraxs howse I had heard bout him on the internet he was an pretty cool monster thing that helped trees so we wood be good frends. We were walkin thru some bushes with the trees an birds ahead an things were all rite an my day was really lookin up.

            Then a snake jumped out an bit Onceler on the wiener. "OMFG!@#()!" He screemed an fell over in hurt. The snake ran away an I went to comfert Onsler. "Jane..." He gapsed I put my hand on his fourhead an he was bruning up! "U have to suck out the posion!!3" I o-mouthed realizin what I had to do but if I didant he wood die.

            With no other choose I taked his pants off but what I didant no was that the Lorax was watchin in the bushes an tuggin on his mustache...

            It took a wile but I got all the posion out an I had to spit it out so I woodant get posioned too an it went in the ground and burned a hole thru it an it got all deepdown an kept goin. "Jane u saved my live." Oncealer said lookin at me with lots of respect. "No prob" I picked uim up to feet and we headed on to the hose.

            When we got there I was in super shock Onserles house was made of tent but more bigger an soooo cool!@ "Hey Lorax I want u to meet Jane Burntham shes new heer an will be stayin at my place for a wile in yur bed ok?" Lorax didant seem very happy bout this tho.

            "You idot were ill I sleep?" He Lorasked so Onseler said "U can still be there becuse yur like a teddy bare for her." Lorax went all "HUBBA HUBBA!!!24" an we all lolled. I was gonna like it here a hole lot I thot.

## TO BE CONTINUED!

HABS ONCELER MET THE GURL OF HIS DREEMS? WATS THE LORAX DOIN NOTTY? AN WILL THERE BE MORE TWITS AND ENEMYS AHED FOR THEM (YES LOL OR THERE WOODANT BE A COOL STORY PLOT)? FIN OUT NEXT TIME!!!


	3. ENTERNAL LVOE

Hey doudes an boys an gilrs an all the otters, its beem more longer than a HOLE EVER beacuase I was forgotted ball bout till Bissness Man remembered to me that I ahds sot trite it. Aslo, I loast the luggin for the Tomblr (I thank those DUM FALMER TROLLSS did a jedeye mine trick ons me to make me forgot it so I cudant do my stories but TAKE this dum trollas!!!1121) so I aksed a good dude namt Isay Guy Oddoom to postd it here for all my tumblar fans.

THE EPIK CONCLUDE OF ULTAMATE HOT ROMANSE AN DRAMATIKAL DRAMA!!122!!!

REEL BAEUTY CHAPTERS 3: ETERNAL LVOE

                A few momths later than wen it was, I was livin wit Onesler and the Loraks for happy. He still addint cgotted anyun to buy his thned so he was reel sad. I hungin out wif the bears an fishes an the bears were doin a funny joke on the fishes by makin eat sandiches but they was actooally FISH SANDWICHES!22

                Me an the bares lolled at the funny but fishes didnt get it cause we didnt tell im yet sins they was still eatin. Then I desided to go chek on Onesler. I waked into the hose an saw sumthin crazy…

                ONCELER WAS IN TIGHTAY WHITAYS SHAKIN HIS BUTT ALL EVER WERE IN FRONT OF A WEBCAME!!41421241@21 Some pepels was watchin him live an chanted “twerk it twerk it twerk it twerk it twerk it twerik it” a yhole bunch of times. Onselers but had reached maximum jiggliness an I was shoked and bushed!~!

                “OMG JANE WHAT YOU DONIN HEEER!?#I1!!!lllllll!” Onselert creamed at he saw my refelction in the c-puter.

                “I TAHNK THE REEL QUESTION IS WHAT ARE U DONIN U TWERK-LER!!!3????” I screeemed back.

                “Im so surry Jane I ddint have a choose!” He pleated with nees on the floor. “I had to make da money some way an until my theend takes of it’s the only way! It coast SO MUCH to make ends meet here wif you stayin an me having to pay for Loraxs porn addict!@!!”

All my angry went compacted at the ssad story. I had none idea Onseler was soo strugglin to make ends meet. “Maybe I can hep?” I taked my shirt an pants off. “I can twerk front an back!” Its true cause I have reel big bobs.

Onseler smiled an happied. “This grate Jane soon we will rich!” An it was true the peoples had seed the hole thing an was cheerin us on “ONSELER AN JANE TWERK IT WERK IT TWERK IT TWERK IT ITI TWERK!!!!!”

The donashun rocketed it up REAL hi (but not drug hi the JERKS) an we cryin withhappy. “Ooooh Jane we maked so much money Ill never sell my theend ever agane!!@”

MEANWILE

                SKepkitty hoo had changed his name to Von Kramer LIKE THE GUY FROM SINFELD was in hibs troll layer makin a plan. He was lookin a pictures of the Onsler an his twerkin streams an was hot an bothered.

                “I will win his heart-ler (lol geddit its like his name?)!” Skep miled with evil. “I dunnot no what Onslers into but I am guy but have boobs an a female sextype thingy thang so I got all the bases covered!!” He lolled an readied for his ultimate plan (AN: SORRAY FOR SAYIN SKEPTITY WAS A GURL IN MY OTTER STORIES I DIDANT NO THEN SO PRETEND JHE WAS LAWAYS A GUY!) Skep was trollin evil then he played his favrat game “Subpar Danger Ranger” for a lot of time.

BACK TO THE ONSE HOUSE

                We had mate so much money from are twerkin an boobin that Onseler ud never haf to hurt a tree ever a gane at in was all dood.

                “Jane I don’t no what Id do without u,” Onseler said blushin. We got reel close smiling and bushin an I pokered my lips to his an we almost did a makeout but… DOOR RING.

                Onseler sad frowned an stoped the almost kiss so he un got the door to open. “Hey big boi!!@$” It wa…… KRAMER FROM SINFELD!!@! But also a vampire so he was VON KRAMER!!!!!!

                “OMG howd Kramer here?” I asked to Onselre.

                “Im Kramer u didot Im…” an Von Kramer taked of his disguis (he used it so that troll slaiyers woodant attack him on tht way to the Onsehouse) “IM KSPEKITTITY!!!!#1!!!!&!!”

                “Dude WTF?./” Onselered the Onesler he was confussouned (its lick confoosed an confonded at THE SAMER TIME SO U NO ITS CONFUSSSIN).

                “Im gonna make u mine mah Oncelers” Skep seductioned to him. “GIFE ME YUR BODY!!!$$$@!!!”

                Onsler standed up long an strong (cuse hes relly tall that’s why loarx calls him bean poole) an sayyelled “NO SKEPY! Theres already somon Im in love with!”

                Teers went in my eyes from that say becuz I was a utro sad now. Onseler alsread loved someon an he didant relies than I was rite there for him. Onserler kept mouthin up at Skepkitty so he leaved cryin like a wussy wus an sliped in his own teers. Then he clothed the door.

                “Jane wats rong?” He say my cryin tears.

                “I just hop ur happy wif ur love Onsey.” I cried.

                “But Jane my love is u!” An he kised me an we did a makeout an sex an the Lorax came home from his trip to teh pron addicshun meeting an saw us an gotted all hot n buttered so he had to go back.

                Ut little did we no Skep hads gone back to hibs evil troll layer an wented on craigslist to look up a guy to kill us on Craiglist becuse that happened onse before I saw on tv. “If I cannt have the Onsler…” Skep trolled to evil “NOONE CAN!!)!)!(@$)!$!)($!)_()!(!”

                The next mornin me an ONserler waked up from havin lots of doin it. “I loves u so much Onsey.” I sex voiced to him. There was sumthin wet an stiky by my legs so I winkded at him and taked the covers of an saw…. THE WET AWS BLOOD FROM LOAKS DECAFFINATED HEAD (just like Goodfather spect for a horse).

                “NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO@o@o!o HE WAS MY FREND!” Onseler OMFGed at the loraxs dead so he piked up the head an threw it owt the winodnw cause he didnt want it in there. “Hoo cuda done this to us Ljane?”

                “I did to us!!3” A hooge man wit veiny vanes an exploshusn for eyes in a army suite said. Onseler gaped.

                “Genral HURT! BUt I killed u when I was a kiddie?”

                “No I was only feinted,” He lolled with most evil. “Now I will mah final revenje for Perl Harber an Skepkitty hired me so hes happy 2.” He shooted a gun rite an Onseler but I jumped up an kicked him in the thraot like Mistike dose in the XMen movei so he cudan breath. Onsler matrixed slowmon to miss the bullet an activated his japnish side.

                “HIIIIIIII HOOOOOO!!! (CUZ HES HAF REDNEKC)” An he used a new move he inveted called THE SPLIT SAMRYE DODO FIST PALM that went strate into his solarpl exus crushin it to dust. The move continued into his lugs an heart he pulled the heart out and squished it. I saw the the explodes go out in his eyes an Genral Hurt dyed for ever.

                “We did it Oncey. At last were free.” I smied to him.

                “Not yet, ew still have to kill Skepkitty.”

                That nite we sneaked inot Skepkittys troll layer were he was playing more Dangerranger wen Onceler got behind him an used a theend a garraote to choke him to dead so much his head exploded off the neck. “That’s was LORAX!@” An then we kissed.

THE END

SURR5Y IT TOOKED FOREVER FOR TIS BUT IW WANTED A GOOD ARSTY ENDIN SO I HOPE ITS GOOD NUFF THAT YOU LIKE IT. SEE U A OTHER TIMES!!123431


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